Novel Jonathan Safran Foer's

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close: The Role of Communication in Relationships

In Jonathan Safran Foer's novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, he constantly puts emphasis on the theme of lack of communication. The unique dynamics of communication between the main characters is the cornerstone of their relationships. Foer uses the relationship between Oskar and his parents, as well as the relationship between Thomas and Grandma, as examples of lack of communication. He shows that this lack of expression serves as the basis upon which these relationships deteriorate. Thus, Foer illustrates that communication is the foundation which people's relationships are established upon.

Throughout the novel, Fore uses the relationship between Oskar and his mother to show that their lack of communication is what establishes their relationship. Oskar cannot communicate with his mother in a healthy way about his father's death, which creates distance between him and his mother. Oskar is constantly angry with his mother, because he believes that the extent of her grief over the loss of Thomas Jr. is lesser than his own. He essentially wants her to be more heartbroken over the loss they have suffered. She does not fully express that she is simply trying to cope with her grief in her own way, which is by trying to move on with her life. This lack of communication causes Oskar to fail to comprehend his mother's perspective. Rather, his understanding remains that the mother is not grieving to the degree that he is, because she is not emotionally affected by Thomas Jr.'s death. The impression among them is that their emotional headspaces regarding their loss are opposite. This emotional distance is what defines their relationship. Because Oskar feels he can't use his mother as a healthy emotional outlet, he buries his emotions within himself: "No matter how much I feel, I'm not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I'm gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I'll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I'm not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn't help anything. It just makes everyone's life worse...." (201 Foer). If there is anyone with whom he should share his feeling with, it should be his mother. However, their lack of communication makes Oskar feel that the best way to handle his emotions is to suppress them. This emotional wedge, ultimately caused by lack of communication, is what their relationship is founded upon. Foer clearly shows Oskar's inability to express himself as essential, but not only in in his relationship with his mother.

Oskar's connection with his father, as well, reflects their lack of communication. This notion is demonstrated by Foer in the events leading up to Thomas Jr.'s death. The night before the terrorist attacks, Oskar has one last verbal communication with his father: "'Dad?' Yeah buddy?' 'Nothing.'" (14) Oskar wishes he would have told his father that he loved him. Due to this lack of communication, Oskar feels distant from his father after his death. If he would have communicated his emotions to his father that night, he may have established closure and had a better relationship with his father, even after his death. The bond to his father that Oskar spends months trying to strengthen may have been stronger if they had communicated more effectively. Even on the day of 9/11, Thomas Jr. fails to fully express what he is feeling in his messages and fails to say "I love you Oskar". Furthermore, Oskar doesn't pick up the phone when his father calls. The father can only leave a message: "'Are you there? Are you there? Are you