Being Honest with Myself

A letter to you

-When I met you 11 years ago...you were a beautiful young lady who was sweet and kind

-We be became friends and at the time I didn't realize it yet, but you were a truly a great find.

-The more we hung out the closer we became, realizing that you and I shared a similar past.

-We dealt with the struggles of relationships and insecurities, all while growing up way to fast.

-We dealt with broken promises, lack of trust, and continual voids that left us with a lot of pain.

-Through this time we promised to be there for one another forever, no matter the strain.

-We were each other's companions, amigos, friends; we were not each other's enemy.

-We had our differences, that was no doubt, but we were friends & always continued to be.

-Similar pasts are what bonded us; however we went our separate ways & began to grow apart.

-That's when confusion, insecurities, & turmoil poured into my life and & I had pain in my heart.

-My insecurities allowed me to be hurt, & instead of telling you what I needed, I became angry.

-This anger was so powerful, that I became a slave to resentment & I struggled to be free.

-I am so blinded by my own pain, hurt, & rage that I couldn't see that maybe you were hurt as well.

-Not be able to deal with my pain, I chose to throw my anger back on you, hoping that I would prevail.

-I call you selfish, this word I readily use, because I need you to be there & help me through my pain.

-However the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I expect from you, but I don't treat you the same.

-It was revealed that you feel so guilty that you allow me to treat you this way, and weigh you down.

-That I am squeezing what little hope and faith you have left, & causing you to continue to frown.

-It was revealed that at this time you need light in your life, as your light is flickering and in need.

-How can you want to hang around me when continue to bring darkness into your life & plant no seed.

-My anger and bitterness is choking you, and if I can be honest with myself it is also choking me.

-If I don't get this under control and pray for God to heal me, I will never be able to be free.

-I tell you I love you & I tell you I care, but I don't know what it means to love, as I am far from happy.

-Until I learn to give it to God I can never be the light that you need, so I am going to strive to be free.

-I'm so sorry! Please forgive me as I was blind before today, & I did not see the pain I was causing you.

-I can't promise I'll get it right all the time, but I will work on it if you give me another chance or two.

-With that being said, God is working on me so that I can genuinely tell you that I LOVE YOU! 

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