Essay - If I Were a Tree

Yale Law School requires, and I quote, "an essay of not more than 250 words about a subject of your choice," in order that interested parties may judge my "writing, thinking, and editing skills, as well as... learn more about the applicant's intellectual concerns or passions, sense of humor, and ability to think across disciplines." All that in 250 words? Gadzooks!

As if that weren't daunting enough, applicants are further warned that "the choice of topic itself may be informative to the readers."

So here's the essay I didn't use:

If I were a tree, I would be an apple tree, only I would bear fruit only every couple of years, or when I thought fruit was especially called for. I would not be an exotic variety that required grafting or pruning, other than the sort of self-pruning a tree might do if, for example, it were to drop an overgrown branch on some passerby who deserved a good scare or a mild concussion.

I would be well aware that trees have a hard lot, that they often get the short end of stick, as it were; and I would not be shy about rallying the other trees to stand up for their rights. There are all sorts of things trees could do for themselves. I would probably tend to favor civil disobedience, or in extreme cases, fighting and running away. (That sort of unexpected behavior, from a bunch of trees, would be an especially effective tactic.)

But I would also be a good neighbor. Kids would climb on me and lie in my shade, and I would listen to their parents talking to each other; though I would often end up thinking, "Wow, life must be good if those are the only problems you have."

And when I did finally fall, I hope it would be in a wild storm: and that there would, in the event, be someone nearby to hear it, and that she would be recording sound for a movie. A movie about trees.

Well, I'd let me in.