Love Triangle and Attachment Styles

Love Triangle and Attachment Styles

Love/Passion- Elaine Hartfield wrote that love is a "state of intense longing for union with another". I feel that you can have passion for a lot of things. When it comes to the passion as it applies to love, it can be an all consuming and a "here today, gone tomorrow" deal. Over the years that I have come to find that love does take a lot of work and dedication, and if you are not ready for it, it can take you for a ride, it will anyway.

Intimacy- Is a process in which a person attempts to get close to another - exploring similarities and differences in the way they think, feel, and behave, Hartfield again suggests. To be intimate with another person is to get them to disclose something private, when upset or distressed or anxious. If you have someone in your life that you can share things with then you will be more committed to the relationship. People use the word intimacy in the wrong sense sometimes. Intimacy goes beyond "sex" it can be used in that sense, but it is so much more than that. I think that true intimacy happens after spending time with someone over a period of time. It takes time to grow. Telling your significant other things of a personal nature and vice versa can strengthen the bond and make your commitment to each other stronger.

Commitment- There is 3 types of commitment- personal commitment, moral commitment, and constraint commitment. Personal commitment is when two people desire to continue on with their relationship because they are satisfied with it and are attracted to their partner. Moral commitment is when people feel that they have to continue the relationship because of religious and or moral views and they feel that it would be wrong to break their vows or promises. Constraint commitment is when people choose to continue the relationship because they are afraid of the social, financial and emotional costs of closing out the relationship.

Fatuous= (passion (infatuation) + commitment (empty love). Romantic love = (intimacy (liking) + passion), Companionate love= (intimacy + commitment) and finally Consummate love= (intimacy+ passion + commitment).

Attachment Relationships

People who show secure love in a relationship find it easy to become close to others and are comfortable with depending on them. They don't worry about being abandoned or someone getting to close to them. This is not the type of a relationship that I would want to experience; I feel that it is too safe and doesn't present much of a risk to the person who feels this way in a relationship. The other person also gets the short end of the stick because the other person has not fully committed to them. I see this type of relationship happening if you have children and they leave the nest and it is the two of you. People are willing to stick with what they know rather than taking a risk and experiencing something new. They also accept their partner in spite of their faults and their relationships tend to endure longer.

People who are in an avoidant relationship are not comfortable being really close to others. They also find it difficult to trust and or depend