Making Jam

The following is a revised paragraph done for By Way of Introduction, an assignment on an activity we do well. In the teacher's case, it's making jam! The original, which follows the revised version, was 204 words; the revision worked to reduce the length to that assigned: 150 words. See if you can spot some of the changes I've made.

In a Real Jam

I make delicious homemade jam and follow three rules to ensure success. The best fruit makes the best jam. Near my house is a small patch of blackberry bushes; to get at the best fruit, I use a tall ladder. That way, I get the ripest and sweetest berries that are far out of reach of other pickers. Once picked, I take the fruit home immediately. I use a low-sugar pectin to make a not-too-sweet jam that retains the taste of the berries. My years of experience have taught me to process the fruit only just long enough; otherwise, heat destroys the fresh flavour. Each batch of jam teaches me more about the best process. All in all, following my three rules makes it possible for my family to taste summer on a rainy winter day, while savouring the rich smell of dark red blackberry jam on their morning toast. (150 words; second draft)

Talking about My Generation

In the early 80's, I walked across the Burrard Bridge in Vancouver. Not alone, however. With me were over 50,000 others, mostly of my generation, on the Walk for Peace. The desire to stop the nuclear arms race was an important goal of ours. Illustrative, I think, of one of three important qualities of my generation.

That desire for peace has been an important characteristic of my generation for a long time. I grew up in the 60's and early 70's. At that time, many of us took part in demonstrations against the Vietnam War. In high school, classes were dismissed so we could demonstrate against nuclear testing in Alaska. Many people of my generation have dedicated their lives to world peace, and lately we have seen success: US and Russian nuclear weapons are half their 1980 levels, and nuclear disarmament is agreed upon worldwide.

Another characteristic of my generation was our participation in the "sexual revolution." Ours was the first generation that had access to safe and reliable birth control. Many teenage girls took the birth control pill. The idea of "free love," although it sometimes led to disaster, made it easier for men and women to safely explore their sexuality before marriage. The sexual revolution gave us power, especially to women, and the world was changed forever.

The most important characteristic, however, is that many of us are deeply concerned about the environment. The results of my generation's activism are evident everywhere: blue boxes for recycling, compost pick up,