Miss Unknown

I feel nothing but Hurt, Sorrow and suffering for this is what I deserve.. Even though there's happiness, joy and light in my life.. I still feel as if its being consumed by darkness; like my smile, hope, wishes, dreams.. And my sanity..

I care for others and not for myself as my body is just a casing holding emotions that are not of importance to me... I must be strong for the ones I love, for there is nothing more important to me than my loved ones happiness.. But in that rule I've follow for so long I've lost how to make my own self happy for others, even though 'i' don't see any point.. Breaking down, crying and cutting is what feels like a daily routine.. I'm content with loneliness even though i'm surrounded by people.. I still feel so alone..

I hope and wish one day i'll be strong enough to change to be what people want me to be.. Happy, Confident, Bubbly, 'Me'.. It is so hard to be something I dont even remember, I know how to smile and im aware of what happiness feels like, yet it's an foreign feeling to me I find it hard to be truly happy.. I cannot even look into my eyes and see who I am, I am just so lost..

As I cry and cry it feels like my heart is slowly being squeezed, throbbing and aching all I want is some chance that I can be happy for me, instead of the pressure I feel from my loved ones..