My Maidenhood Expedition

We all are born with our virtue. Most of us lose this virtue within our lifespan. How we lose this innocence however, is a profoundly different experience for everyone. Some individuals lose it with the love of their life on their wedding night; some lose it in high school to prove their self to a clique, or their significant other; some lose it in the "heat of the moment" whether it is with someone they love, someone they know, or sometimes with someone they just met; there are the cases that individuals lose their honor by rape, or abuse. However this life altering event takes place, the innocence is lost forever; you can never get it back. This loss is something that defines you, and only you.

It was a clear summer night; the stars were illuminating enough that you could see where you were walking. This guy I had met at the party that I was still at was carrying me to my vehicle. The other people at the party and I had jumped into their pool with all our clothes on, and I had a spare outfit in my truck. When he set me down on the tailgate of my truck, well that was when we started to kiss. My loss of my maidenhood experience was the "heat of the moment" kind with someone I did not know. Once I fully realized what was going on, I said something like "We better get back before they come looking for us," we then put our clothes back on (I put on my spare outfit) and headed back. I do give him credit for stopping when I wanted him to stop, for holding my hand as we walked back, and for staying by my side for the rest of night. When I woke up at an ungodly hour to leave the guy was fast asleep right next to me. I didn't want to wake anyone, so I got all my things and left.

I have never been in a long term relationship. I have yet to find my "prince charming" and I will be shocked if I ever do. I don't want to have kids, and I don't want to grow old with someone (I don't want to live to be "old"). But that is how I have felt for most of my life. Which is not what I was raised like, my parents met in college, they dated for about two weeks, and then they were engaged for about a year before they were married. They will have been married for 32 years in March. My parents waited to have kids till they had been married for a few years. I have a brother who is my only sibling and he is a little over two years older than I am. As a little kid my mom used to read fairy tales to me and instead of reading the proper ending "and they lived happily ever after. The end," she would alter the ending to say "and the princess went off to college and got a degree, then she got a good paying job, and then she and the prince got married and lived happily ever after. The end." So I guess in a way I have always felt a need to be an independent person, until I finish college and get a good paying job. Then I have fulfilled my right of passage into the searching for my happily ever after.

When I happened to lose my virginity it did not seem like that big of a deal. I remember thinking "ok, so that's over with. What's next?" During the process I was thinking that this isn't what I was expecting. The slight discomfort was expected, but the lack of emotions afterwards. I wasn't prepared, or expected that. It felt like I was just going through the motions, I didn't feel any connections to the guy. I didn't feel like a different person, I don't think I can even remember all the emotions I felt. I was grateful however that I didn't really know the guy. Since I didn't know him, there wasn't such a strong emotional bond with him as there would be if I had been dating someone for a year. It was simple, no strings attached. It was just sex. I didn't see the guy again for awhile, and I was glad for that. I was scared that I was going to turn into some sappy love struck girl when I saw him again. Luckily for me, that did not happen, I saw him, we talked, we moved on.

"Language. We do not use language in this book to mean primarily what the linguist studies. We use the term to refer to modes of moral discourse that include distinct vocabularies and characteristic patterns of moral reasoning. We use first language to refer to the individualistic mode that is dominant American form of discourse about moral, social, and political matters. We use the term second languages to refer to other forms, primarily biblical and republican, that provide at least part of the moral discourse of most Americans" (Page 334).

When growing up in America, most children are taught from right from wrong. Do not kill, do not steal, listen to your parents, and do not take your friends stuff, so on and so on. These "things" are then used to tell us if what we are doing is right or wrong, these ideas then stay with us for the rest of our lives. Even if we end up doing on (or more) of these things, we know in the back of our minds that it is wrong, and we will suffer the consequences (either by our parents, by the law, or by a greater being). These "things" however are morals. This is the list of morals that tell you whether you have been good or bad. Everyone has morals, they may be altered from these examples, but they are there. The morals I have listed seem to be used by many religious and non-religious people. However these morals are actually based off of the "Ten Commandments" which is found in the Bible. I was born into a religious family, going to church every Sunday unless we were sick, or found another excuse. I was born into accepting at least ten morals, however with the Bible being a book of stories, and morals. One moral is that sex before marriage is a sin. In a way I went against my morals to undergo this experience. I didn't listen to my conscious telling me the pros and cons of my action. I did what I subconsciously wanted to do.

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