One Plus one Is "three"

One Plus One is "Three"

In years past, the American Dream for most young girls' was to grow up and be married to Prince Charming and "Live Happily Ever After!" Although this may be expected - it is rarely fulfilled. It's easy to get married in the United States. All it takes is a license and a trip to the marriage bureau. But it's even easier to get divorced; a few visits to a lawyer, and your friends are congratulating you on a new life. The simplest reason for many people who want a divorce turns out to be that they aren't happy anymore. However, is divorce merely the business of the two? Those couples who are going through the process of divorce convince themselves that if the two of them were happy, everything else would work out just fine, and the children would be happier as well. It is not that simple. The relationship between husband and wife is essential to a healthy family relationship, which can affect the next generation to a great extent. The process of divorce in the United States should be harder than it is now because it has long term negative effects on children's emotional health and adult relationships.

For a long time, divorce was impossible or very difficult to obtain in America. It became easier with a major legal change in 1984 when it was passed that one needs to be married for only one year to avail of a divorce instead of the previous three-year stretch (Divorce Law). Since then, divorce has been around. Divorce rates in the United States have increased dramatically over the past 25 years (Divorce Rate). It seems it is likely to continue flourishing unless something definite can be done about it. The basic steps of divorce are simple. One of the spouses needs to file a petition with court for dissolution of marriage, in which the reasons are stated. Then the other spouse will be "served" with the Petition and a Summons to Appear, after which he/she will file a response. Next, financial investigation steps in to determine the value of the marital estate. Once after both party negotiated and signed the agreement, the Judge will review the proposal to ensure they are equitable. At last, a final divorce decree is entered (About Divorce). How can we be surprised that our country has the highest divorce rate in the world? Divorce court has become as much a part of the American scene as health food stores, or baseball diamonds, or college campuses.

Has divorce become a culture of America? I am afraid so. Researchers have found that more than 40 percent of all marriages among young Americans end in divorce resulting in its acceptance in today's family structure and behavior (Divorce Rate). Because it has become such a painless process that the moment a couple hits the rocks it is easier and less stressful for them to divorce rather than going through the trouble of trying to work things out. With divorces so easy to obtain, what kind of message are we sending our children? Generally speaking, the widespread divorces subconsciously make children think less of marriages. Marriage is more than a mutual affection. It involves commitment and responsibility. If two people just attracted to each other, why not just keep dating till they are bored? Why bother getting married? When you are dating someone, you have the option of walking away. You have not made that long term commitment that comes with being married. Once you marry that special someone, you have made that life-long commitment. There is no longer the option of walking away when times get tough. It is immoral and there is a price to pay. Children are the victims. They identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals but with the relationship between them. They carry the template of this relationship into adulthood and use it to seek the image of their new family. In the essay "The Making of a Divorce Culture," author Barbara Dafoe Whitehead states that divorce has become an American way of life only as the result of recent and revolutionary change. As the title implies, her primary concern is to show that ideas have consequences. Increased tolerance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes toward what we think marriage and family to be. Even though a couple may be unhappy, getting a divorce is not the best option because of its unfortunate effects on all those involved. Therefore, the unsettling fact is: young children of divorced parents face great psychological challenges due to the environmental conditions and changes associated with divorce.

One of the hardest things for a child to go through when they are young is divorce. As their family falls apart, children will feel quite vulnerable. The loss of the family unit will cause the children to grieve, because most children did not know that their parents' divorce was coming, while the parents may have known for a long time. Additional grief comes from missing the parent that does not have primary custody, and additional anger may come from disruptions to the family routine and a sense of powerlessness (Effect Children). It effects them in so many ways that they do not have control over. When compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have statistically more psychological problems. Children that do not come from stable environments are far more likely to be delinquents. Sometimes these children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents (Children of Divorce). The parental support needed during these times is often lacking, because parents are so wrapped up in their own problems during a divorce that their ability to function as parents diminishes. Yet, during this difficult period parents continue to be the most important people in their children's lives. Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their mother and father. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce. Nearly 85 percent of these households are headed by a female. Children from fatherless homes are: 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide, 6.6 times more likely to drop out of school, 10.8 times more likely to commit rape, 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders, 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager (Children of Divorce). These disturbing statistics go some way to highlighting the severe impact a poorly handled divorce and resulting separation can have on children.

Children in a divorced family are challenged by the economic circumstance as well. Contrary to the assumptions of many therapists