Quicksand Friendships

The Quicksand Friendship

Author: Wasif Arshad

Arsal walked on the tiled porch, kicking a stone that came in his way. His hands were deep in his pockets as he walked helplessly in a slouched position. Arsal’s hooded silhouette looked cold and grim, yet in despair. He looked at the sunset towards the west, and sighed.

“Those times had been so good” he thought.

He had been walking in school with his bunch of friends, the people he loved, his amigos.

"God I love this weather! It’s raining!" she spoke.

"I knoww! It’s so pretty." the reply came.

"Look at you two love birds. Aww!" a voice teased from behind.

*laughter echoed

He smiled, as he recalled his two good friends fooling around along with him. The girl's name was Niha and the other's name was Goher.

Everything had seemed so good then. But for how long would it have stayed? It seemed it would remain that way. Good times are balanced with the bad times. However, time goes on regardless…teaching us lessons on the way, teaching us harshly about the lessons of life….

It was all over. Like quicksand, all had gone back in the ground.

He realized that now it was never going to be the same. Arsal felt a stab of pain on the inside. He felt weak, and he writhed in mental pain. He wanted to know it was all okay, that things would be the same. But who would be there to tell him?

There was no one anymore he could rely on.

Life as he knew it, which had been full of laughter, smiles, jokes and fun had evaporated in a couple of months as if it had never existed. He kicked every stone that came in his way, boiling in anger and in despair, mad at himself. He felt a bit mad, wondering what had happened to his life.

The young teen wanted to scream, to hold his head and sit down on the porch and let it all out. But he knew that would not work. He had no comfort to stop himself from tears that his heart welled; he knew if he broke down he would stand nowhere.

He missed everything, as it had been. It broke him, nearly killed him to see his friends disbanding in front of his own eyes. He wanted to stand up on a chair and speak to everyone that mattered, Goher, Niha and his two other friends, Marium and Soha.

To tell them that he did not how all of this happened, to have them comfort him. Because for once, he wanted them to help him get out of this phase, this mad feeling of despair as if nothing would get better, and all he would be doing would be to stand from a distance and look away. Smile and laugh as if everything was fine, when he knew it wasn’t. He didn’t to do that.

He never asked for comfort, but today, he wanted some comfort.

He wanted to have a shoulder given, before he even asked for one. He wanted someone to be there as he had been there for them.

Was it too much to ask? From someone he considered his own? Where was Niha now? And Goher? Where were they? Happy together? Showing sympathy in front of my face and being accommodating, when they knew, he could see it seemed fake? He didn’t know what to do anymore. He had been shattered to pieces.

It was today, he realized that eventually, you’re on your own. And Arsal hated it. He did not know his friends mattered to him so much, he didn’t know he remained in control because of them. But he did. Maybe it was just their support or the fact that knowing they were there was what kept him content. Maybe that’s what kept everyone content. Arsal sighed and looked at the sky. The sun had almost set. To rise again tomorrow.

Every day, the sun sets, killing all light present, yet rekindling hope the next day.

Lighting up the day, providing hope and warmth to people. Every day the sun burns, to glow and show its sunlight for the people. And for what seemed like a week, Arsal’s stiff face actually broke into a smile. Maybe he could see some hope from the other side of the big picture. Maybe when light vanishes into darkness from one side, it shows itself from the other. His face resumed its original expression as he realized he depended so much on a maybe.

He smiled again, as he remembered the way Soha and Marium used to greet him. Smiling and waiting for him, asking him why he came late, how he was. He remembered them taking care of him just like he had cared for them earlier. He loved his two best friends, they were true friends. But he didn’t know that then.

Arsal had been blinded with his friendship with Goher, his old friend of 3 years. He did not want to replace someone with Goher’s position. Because he felt that Goher was a higher priority. Maybe Goher felt jealous that he had three new friends, yet Goher became so friendly with them, especially Neha. Arsal sometimes thought maybe Neha had feelings for him, for Goher. Maybe that was somehow, stupidly a reason which he could use to understand why the five of them had fallen into separate directions. Or explain why, he felt that he was the one who felt it the most.

He missed Soha. And he wanted to call her. He never really spoke much to other people, but to the people he knew, he trusted, he wanted Soha to feel every tremor there was in his body, knowing that she would comfort him, soothe him. But he didn’t want to let her know how badly he was wounded. He didn’t want to show he had become weak, he was afraid she might not be able to handle it. Normally seeing him quiet yet determined and focused, it would be difficult for her to bear. He wondered where Soha was. Why hadn’t she called him? Didn’t she feel the same way? Or maybe she just didn’t know what to say. Maybe Marium didn’t either. Or Goher. Or even Niha, who always found something to say, even if it was nonsensical.