Welcome to My Silly Life

Welcome To My Silly Life

Music is a huge part of my life and always has been. When I listen to music, it can lighten my mood, or it can darken it. I always find a connection with a song in some way. A song which describes me as a person and my life is called "Fuckin' Perfect" by Pink. It sings of someone being misunderstood, mistreated and living with bad decisions.

The first lyric in the song that talks about bad decisions is all I have done since I was about 12-years-old. First of all, I started by skipping school with my friends to go and hang out. I began having sex then I chose to smoke just because all my friends were doing it. At 15, I made the bad decision of leaving home when I could have stayed and went to college and really make a great life. From then on, I just kept making bad decisions one after another from choosing the wrong kind of love all the way to having kids. I just never really thought anything through; I was very compulsive and irrational.

Being mistreated all began when I was about 10-years-old. My father was never good at controlling his temper. I remember staying all night at a boy's house and coming home to my father waiting on me at 6 in the morning standing in my room. He demanded to know where I had been, but I chose to lie which made it even worse. My father backed me up in my small bathroom and raised me up by my neck. At the same time, he was

punching me and screaming at me. I never would fight him back because I was afraid it would be a worse beating. I believe the mistreatment has led me to my bad decisions.

This song also sings about being misunderstood which I know I am. Sometimes my actions do not reflect my words. I truly believe this comes from the words "I Love you" from my father and my mother but there was never any action to prove what those three little words meant. It has been a long journey understanding that love means action not just words. I try hard to express my emotions but have built such a high wall that I don't know how to find what I am feeling and express them. This leads to being misunderstood. I catch myself second-guessing a lot and wondering if I would have done it this way, or said that differently, things would have came out a lot better.

Not only do I make bad decisions, get mistreated and am misunderstood, I have a really hard time looking happy when there is so mush hatred lying within. It is a very tired game and has "chased all my demons" as the song says. I feel hatred toward my mother for leaving my father when I was three years old. I still have yet to come to terms and forgive her for that. I am familiar with chasing all my demons; I have just never accepted them. Life should be easier; it should not be this complicated.

Just as Pink's song says, "I always