You've Got Mail: Computer-Mediated Interpersonal Relationships

You've Got Mail: Computer-Mediated Interpersonal Relationships

With the dawning of the technological age people have been given tools with which to breach gaps previously formed by geographical separation and increased opportunities to meet new people. These tools are electronic mail, cellular phones, texting, instant messaging, chatrooms and every shop on the corner offering wireless internet services. These changes in the way people communicate with each other introduce new ways to study relationship formation and maintenance, especially those interpersonal relationships involving romance. In the time of You've Got Mail (Ephron, 1998) the internet was becoming a more popular means for communication. The main actress, Katherine Kelly, hit a miles stone age and braved a chatroom with the intention to meet someone online and possibly begin a new friendship. Throughout the movie this friendship flourishes through communication and self-disclosure of two people. It builds in a new way, opposite of how face-to-face relationships have been known to build. This is the phenomenon of computer-mediated relationships.

As the movie progresses through change and turmoil in career and relationship Kathleen turns to her internet counterpart, Joe Fox. She seeks support and advice from this person who she has never met, sharing deeper emotions and feelings than she would share with someone face-to-face. This self-disclosure that both parties partake encourages the relationship to develop into romantic feelings towards each other even though they have never met. The most relevant scene is when Joe is going to meet Katherine for the very first time. He is walking down the street with his assistant from work and discussing the prospect of meeting her. Joe says to his friend, "This woman is the most adorable creature I've ever been in contact with and if she turns out to be even as good looking as a mailbox I'd be crazy enough to turn my life upside down and marry her!" This display is completely contradictory to the way interpersonal relationships have previously been known to be built. The debate is between computer-mediated relationships and face-to-face relationships. Can computer-mediated relationships really reach the level of intimacy that face-to-face relationships offer, or are they lacking in a personal connection.

Relationship Formation

Prior to the ease of communication offered through technological advances relationship formation was based in an easily definable four step process: spatial proximity, attraction formation, attitudinal similarities and self-disclosure (Merkle & Richardson, 2000). Kassin, Fein and Markus (2008) explain that the main reason a relationship can or will form is physical proximity between two people. It used to be the easiest way for two people to meet would be if they were at the same place at the same time. Once two people have the opportunity to meet it opens up the window of attraction formation. Two people can find either a physical attraction towards one another that increases the desire to get to know the other person. After that initial physical attraction to spark someone's interest they look for attitudinal similarities in each other. They will find out personality traits that are similar to their own that puts them on common ground with something to talk about. Previous studies prove that people tend to associate with others who have something in common with themselves (2008). If they don't find these similar interests it's not likely that the relationship will fully develop. Once the attraction is formed and similar ground achieved people will eventually move forward to self-disclosure, sharing intimate feelings and ideas with the other person, though this step usually takes time to reach.

In computer-mediated relationships the spatial proximity to a person is not a predicator to whether a relationship will develop. Physical attraction is also not an important factor in these relationships because it is minimized by the ability to know someone trough intimate sharing (Merkle & Richardson, 2000). That means that computer-mediated relationships must begin with attitudinal similarities in order for people to have something to base their attraction to. This causes people to skip