Letter of Advice - Define Emotional Intelligence and Its Role in Effective Interpersonal Relationships

Dear Tim and Crystal,

I would like to congratulate the both of you on your recent engagement. I am honored and blessed that you would ask me for advice based on what I have learned in my Interpersonal Communication course at Ashford University. Since marriages come with many obstacles and challenges, it is great that you are seeking advice for interpersonal communication so that your marriage will be successful. I would like to share five key elements that I am currently learning. The key elements include emotional intelligence and its role, appropriate self-disclosure, perceptions, emotions and non-verbal expression, empathic listening, and self concept.

Define Emotional Intelligence and its Role in Effective Interpersonal Relationships

The first key to having successful communication involves understanding emotions and expressing them appropriately through emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that can be learned. We can improve our emotional intelligence by increasing our awareness of emotional issues and improving our ability to identify, assess, and manage our feeling (Sole 2011). In other terms it is the ability to identify emotions and act appropriately. In 1990, Salovey and Mayer coined the term 'emotional intelligence'. They also initiated a research program intended to develop valid measures of emotional intelligence and to explore its significance. They suggested that emotional intelligence consisted of four separate elements; Identifying emotions, Using emotions, Understanding emotions, and Managing emotions (Anonymous 2010).

Throughout your relationship there are going to be times where one of you is upset and the other needs to be aware of what can make it worse. I was in a relationship and, at the time, my boyfriend was crying. I personally thought that he was doing it as a joke so I asked him jokingly "what the hell are you crying about?" Needless to say, his step-sister had died and he just found out. I did not know exactly what to say or do to show him that I was sorry for asking him like that so I sat next to him and held him until he was done crying. I then explained why I had asked him like that. He understood but I now know that I need to be more aware of someone feelings and at times they are real.

Describe the process by which self-concept is developed and maintained.

In order to build and maintain a healthy relationship you both must a good self-concept. Self-concept is the idea or mental image of yourself and your strengths and weaknesses. Basically, it is self-image. Your self-concept is learned; it is organized, it is dynamic, and it is changeable. You construct this sense of self through communication with yourself and with others - by what you tell yourself and what others tell you about your self. Self-concept is learned and maintained through interpersonal communication with others. However self-concept is also changed through interpersonal communication.

Our significant other is someone whose feedback is very important to us. Their opinions about us are crucial in the role of developing our understanding of ourselves and of how other people view us. We tend to develop our opinions about ourselves by watching the way other people respond and communicate with us. For Instance, when you were a child, the feedback from your parents helped you understand who you were. When you got older, your older sibling's opinion may have been valued.

Self-concept can affect your relationship and your relationship and affect your self-concept. If you have a negative self-concept of yourself then your relationship is going to be negative. For example, you see your self as ugly, fat, or any other negative thought then you may be clingy, or wanting to feel needed so you will do anything to feel that way. That may drive your partner farther away. About six years ago I got out of a verbal abusive relationship. I was called no good, fat, ugly, piece of shit, and many other bad things. I actually started believing those things so my next relationship I did everything that I could to not be what I was called. Well, that relationship did not work out because he thought I was controlling and obsessive about the things I did whether it was cleaning, working out, or any other daily activity. I tried to be perfect and I know that I am not. If you have a positive self-concept then you are going to have a great relationship. You know your strengths and weakness and you accept them. You will be able to express your thought and feeling without the fear of negativity.

Your relationship can affect your self concept either negatively or positively. For instance, your fiancé brings home flowers for you, tells you you're beautiful, and expresses his feelings for you. It will boost your self-esteem. Now, say your fiancé comes home and gripes about the dishes in the sink, the dinner is burnt, or the house is not clean then your self esteem will drop and your self-concept will be negative about yourself.

Understand how perceptions, emotions, and non verbal expression affects interpersonal relationships

There are many things that you can do to put your marriage in harms way but first I am going to explain what perceptions and non verbal expression are so that you understand fully. Perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, and organizing information that comes to your senses (Sole 2011). In other terms perception is your way of understanding things that are around you. Non-verbal communication is the act of giving information without using any word. Silence can have a variety of functions, such as creating interpersonal distance, showing respect for others, punishing others, and avoiding embarrassment for other. Silences also clearly functions to mark episodes and position boundaries, often closing topics participants are no longer interested in pursing (Lovaas 2003). Not speaking to your partner or even showing nonverbal communication can be harmful to your marriage. I have a few questions that I would like to ask you and for you to think about. What is your perception of your partner? Can you express your feeling and emotions effectively to each other?

Nonverbal communication includes our facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, posture, and tone of voice. A powerful tool that can help us connect with others is the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication. It also helps us express what we mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships. The way you move, listen, look, and react tells a person whether or not you care, if you are being truthful, and how well you are listening. Becoming more sensitive to body language and other non verbal cues will help you