An Audience of one

An Audience of One

I have thought about many things in life - - some of those thoughts have been light and whimsical while others lean towards the foreboding, dark and negative side of my psyche. My less intense thoughts are along the lines of what to wear to work and whether or not to spend the money on a new pair of shoes. The darker arena of thoughts can range anywhere from a sinister outlook on a particular person or situation to a startling array of negative self-talk about what I am not capable of doing. As I started listening to the negative self-talk I began to realize the profound affect that it had on my perception of self and life in general. I was determined to make a change.

Negative self-talk has taken me from a bright and positive attitude to a depressed state of mind in just a few short minutes. It can present itself in what appears to be a reasonably sane and intelligent dialogue. Although I admit to having listened intently to several of these conversation, most often I realize the information being presented is based on untruths, false statements, and negative assumptions about myself and others.

I became acutely aware that my rambling dissertations of thought had no validity or value and that I did have the power to change my thoughts. These internal voices of condemnation and argument were not the person I had come to be in this lifetime. Those ideas were developed from a place long ago. I'm going to speculate that they were created at a time when I was very young. Words of negative reinforcement can seep into a person's mind and soul and remain actively progressive for a very long time. I saw that it was somebody else's outdated and stale thoughts about why I wasn't good enough, smart enough or pretty enough. Those internal conversations would permeate my very being and I would react in unhealthy and reckless ways. My thoughts had become my reality and it wasn't pretty.

Let's face it. Negative self-talk is a bad habit that needs to be broken. Not always an easy task, but I have found ways to counteract this unnecessary chatter. An immediate situation that comes to mind would be preparing to write this paper. My ego, my head as it were, was reminding me that I was not capable of writing a good essay. I thought for a moment that perhaps this was true and wondered once again, what I had gotten myself into this time. As I struggled with these detrimental vibes the good thoughts came to my rescue. As my reasoning and common sense kicked in I was able to see that my reality was in producing a paper, not thinking about not doing it or how it couldn't get done, and only then was I able to move forward.

I don't have to live with what was presented to me in life. I can make changes and create new and vibrant thoughts, ideas and ultimately positive results for myself and others. When negative thoughts and self-criticisms