Baby Steps

Baby Steps

I was 13 in the year 2005; young, vibrant, and carefree. Life was easy for me and the world was my playground. I was also naïve; I didn't think about the homeless, the diseased, or other important issues of the world. I lived in a three bedroom apartment with my mom, my older brother by twenty-one months, and my younger sister by 4 years. We were a happy family always laughing and joking about something, of course we had our disagreements, but all families do. My mom had a decent paying job as a director for human resources in an office. Life was good; I had no indication that my life was about to change in just a matter of days.

It was on a crisp autumn day that my life was changed forever. My mom had left for work at five am that morning; I had been awakened by her getting ready. I had felt strange and out of sorts like something wasn't right, so I got up and moved to the couch in the living room. My mom kissed my forehead then headed to work. I fell back asleep and didn't awake again until ten am. I tried to sit up but something wasn't right; I realized then that I had no feeling from my waist down. At first I was in shock, and then I began to panic. I called my mom and told her in a terrorized rush of words what was going on. My mom rushed out of her office quickly explaining to her boss why she had to leave, and went to pick up my brother from a friend's house on the way home. When they arrived my brother carried me to the car while my mom found a babysitter for my sister. I was terrified; not knowing what was next and what was happening to me scared me the most. We arrived at Scottish Rite Children's Hospital and I was rushed in on a gurney. They took my vitals, and then put me in a room where they poked and prodded me with needles in my legs; it didn't hurt, because I couldn't feel it. Never in my life had I wanted to feel pain as bad as I did until that moment; the moment when I could feel nothing at all. With all the needles, blood tests and other procedures the doctors couldn't find the diagnoses for my problem, so they decided to do a spinal tap, where they stuck a large needle into my spine and drew out fluid. I had felt that pain, and still have nightmares about it today.

After the spinal tap I was sent back to my room to rest and wait. I could tell my mom was nervous because she kept squeezing my hand and telling me she loved me. It seemed like a lifetime passed by the time the doctor came into the room; he didn't look happy. He asked to speak to my mom out in the hall. I heard my mom say oh my god no and the doctor tell her how extremely sorry he was. On the way to the hospital I had made my mom promise she would tell me the truth no matter what, but in that moment after the doctor had talked to her I knew she didn't want to. She did though; trying to look brave she told me, told me there was a tumor on my spine