Eulogising to Understand Grief

Eulogy for Mum, 16/10/2008

Before I start Mum's eulogy I would just like to say that Mum would be amazed at the number of people who have turned up today to share our grief. Many of you have travelled long distances to be here. On behalf of all the family I would like to thank you all for your love and support as we celebrate the life of this wonderful woman.

also lovingly know as Marg, Madge, Mrs , Mrs Old , Mum, Aunty Mum, Aunty Marg, Granny, Old Granny and Gangan was born in Warwick on 2nd May 1924. She was the eighth child in a family of 10 - 5 boys and 5 girls. The family grew up on a farming property at Dalveen - halfway between Warwick and Stanthorpe. Mum was born into the Great Depression, an event that was to shape her life and countless other of her generation. Work was hard to come by and there was a struggle to put food on the table. "Swaggies" or swagmen often called at the Mitchell home knowing that they would always get a feed. Mum's memory of the Depression was not of hard times, but of her family being brought closer together having to "make do" and to provide their own entertainment. Weekends were spent on the tennis court with friends and neighbours, and then after a big feed put on by Mum, her sisters and mother, there would be games of ping pong or cards and then hours of singing around the piano. This tradition carried on over the years and I have fond memories of drifting off to sleep in the boys' room to the music of the sing-along.

Mum's first school was a bark hut where they learned gardening, cooking and sewing as well as the 3 Rs. Mum's claim to fame was that she could recite the alphabet backwards, a feat she did all her life. Then, Mum and her siblings moved onto the "big school" at Dalveen, which meant a 3 mile walk each way. In those days, if a car came along, the kids would happily accept a lift, not something we'd encourage today. The main form of transport was horse and buggy so she certainly saw big changes in her lifetime. Mum had memories of going with her father on his mail run to open what seemed like hundreds of gates. Each trip was an adventure as the roads were dirt tracks. One night they were cut off by floodwaters and had to walk cross-country to seek shelter.

Mum was 15 when World War II broke out and her brothers left the farm and went off to enlist. Mum and her sisters at home then took over the running of the farm with their father. I think the girls did most of the milking and feeding the pigs. Legend has it that a pig died after eating one of Mum's failed batch of scones. Mum was teased mercilessly about it at the time. The grandchildren here probably can't imagine that their Granny was once young and fit enough to sit on a little stool and milk several cows, both morning and night. It seems their Dad always had something more urgent to do when it was milking time.

Then along came this smart-alec truck driver from Brisbane who used to call at the farm to pick up the produce to go to Market. Something at the farm must have caught his eye because he started calling back on his motorbike and must have really impressed Mum by doing wheelies around the tennis court. Love blossomed and Harold came into Mum's life. Their courtship had to endure the separation of war when Dad served in New Guinea. Once again you grandchildren would be surprised that Granny used to ride on the back of Grandad's bike and loved it!! Mum and Dad were married on 30th July 1943.

Dad was well accepted by the Mitchell clan and the Dalveen farmhouse continued as the centre of family gatherings for many years to come. Mum's brothers introduced Dad to tennis and cricket, the game that Dad played and followed with great passion.

Mum was 19 when she married and only 20 when Glenda was born in 1944. I was born 2 years later and Allen 2 years after that. Three years later our little sister Elizabeth was born. There was a gap of 11 years until Rob was born followed closely by the baby of the family, Jim.

My first memories are of living in a house on the property next door to the Dalveen farm. My sister Glenda actually started school at Dalveen and she and her cousin Jim did the 3 mile walk to school - no mean feat for 5 year olds!

Elizabeth was the baby when the family moved to 13 Myrtle Avenue, Warwick where Dad enjoyed many years of working in a fruit shop. There were many happy years in Warwick with Myrtle Avenue being the cup of tea and bikkies stop when the Dalveen families came to town. Mum and Dad then faced the problem of our brother Allen's increasingly severe attacks of asthma. Of course, Mum and Dad tried everything to find a cure and travelled to Brisbane for hospitals, chemists and even the odd quack. Sometimes, I think the cures were worse than the disease. The good news is that Allen survived all the treatments, and is well. Mum always attacked any illness or injury we had with great enthusiasm. If we faltered in any way, out came the caladryl, butter, Vicks and later on, Grandad's ointment. Anything from a tummy upset to misbehaviour copped the dreaded dose of castor oil. Not surprisingly, we were quite healthy kids.

In 1960, the family moved to Bee Street , which has become family headquarters for all of us. Dad had a trucking business in the Markets, which meant different hours but Mum still managed the traditional roast dinner for Sunday lunch. Dad had a severe heart attack in the early 1960's and was given only 12 months to live. Somehow, Dad stretched that out to 26 years and Mum lost her partner and greatest fan in 1986.

In 1965 Glenda married Glen who sadly died at the age of 35. Their children were Marian, David and Helen. I married Pam, and we had a son Dale. Later I re-married to Meg and we have Ross, Gina, Steven and Matthew. Allen married Heather and they had Allen, Lyndel who was tragically killed by a car at age 11, and the twins Julie and Debbie. Allen then re-married to Gloria and her four children Michelle, Karen, Brad and Christine also became part of the clan. Elizabeth married Cliff and they have Sandy, Ben and Susie. Rob married to Karen to give us another set of twins, Rachel and Janessa. Rob's partner Lyn has a daughter Vivienne who has been lovingly accepted into the family. Finally, Jim married Kaye and they have Daniel, Sally and Rebecca.

And so it came to pass that with the arrival of these grandchildren the legend of Granny was born. Granny adored her grandchildren and in turn, they adored her. Most grandmothers reckon that the best part about grandkids is that you can enjoy them and then give them back. But, oh no, not our Mum. We were lucky if our kids condescended to come home with us, as life with Granny was so good.