Independence

Independence

It was a typical beautiful day, to the blinded person in love. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and my so-called "soul mate" and I were grotesquely cuddled up on the couch. I'll never forget how fast true love turned into passionate hatred. He received an anonymous phone call from his "guy friend". While he was scurrying to the other room, I distinctly heard the voice of a female giggling flirtatiously. When I found out it was his ex-girlfriend, I shot the phone at his head, and ran out the front door. Like the dog that he was, he followed close on my heels. After two blocks of yelling, our boisterous arguing turned into physical fighting. He was dragging me in the street and pulling at my arms, and when I finally thought I got away I felt my shoulder literally being ripped out of its socket. In pure reflex, I threw my fist at his face. It scared me to death because he got in my face like he was going to hit me back, but I just stared him down, almost daring him to do something. I turned away a new person, and vowed never to trust anyone again.

So far, this event has had the greatest impact on my life. It has actually molded me into the female that I am today. Many would say that it has had a negative affect on me because my entire outlook on relationships and guys in general has changed drastically. I truly think that I am a stronger and wiser person because of what I had to experience. This bitchy, self-centered, untrusting person that I've become has been the shield that now protects me from ever actually having to let anyone know me. I don't want to be known. I don't want to be vulnerable. But most of all, I don't ever want to experience a situation like what I already had.

My first relationship was wasted with my ex. I had expected kissing and holding hands, but got fidelity and abuse on my first try. . I put all my trust in him so quickly, and like I deserved, got hurt because of it. Now I don't trust anyone. So many females are so naive and gullible and I refuse to put my gender down by doing so a second time. The only bad thing about not trusting anyone is that nobody really gets to know me. I have this "bitchy" label that won't go away because I'm too afraid to let someone into my strange little world. Besides having my arm ripped off, my ex also cheated on me various times with some of my "close friends", and with my cousin. That has been why I'm so paranoid to trust as well. If you can't trust friends and family, who can you trust? So of course my natural defense is to scare people away when they get too close. As well as being scary, I'm also easily scared. I haven't had a boyfriend or even been on a date for so long its pathetic. The last guy that was brave enough to like me, I chased away after he told me I was the prettiest