Living with Strangers

How should one react in a city where one is forced to be around thousands of strangers everyday? In big cities people attend to create their own private space by simply ignoring everything that happens around them. This "coping technique" can save them from the rather uncomfortable encounters one might face in the big city. In the essay Siri Hustvedt discusses the code of conduct in both New York and rural Minnesota. But what happens when you break the unwritten law?

In New York city you might have several intimate moments with strangers during the day. Walking on the packed Fifth Avenue, or riding the metro along with hundreds of other people. Hustvedt says that this kind of intimacy would, in Minnesota, be for her family or boyfriend only. However in New York when using public transportation or walking around the city, it is impossible to avoid these intimate encounters. In Minnesota not greeting a stranger would be considered either snobbish or rude, whereas in New York it would be considered odd. Hustvedt explains how one can feel terribly alone in the big city. Even though she sees private moments, such as lounging around in underwear or a heated argument, she is still isolated. It is the feeling of being alone, even though you are surrounded by more and more people. When being contacted by odd people, like the white man who contacted Hustvedt's daugther, most people seeing this situation, will most likely ignore it. This will eventually also make you feel alone, because you feel like you have to face the problem yourself. Hustvedt also says that when someone chooses to break the social codes she begins to see them as real persons, not just a random stranger in the metro. "Everyone has an inner life that is as large and complex and rich as my own."(l. 110-111) One might start to see others as "objects" and not real persons when neglecting other people's presence.

The essay can be used to express the narrator's meanings without necessarily having to be supported by real facts. The narrator will bring up a subject and then discuss it while using own experiences and opinions. In this essay Siri Hustvedt discusses the code of conduct in big cities and the way people cope with living so close to eachother. Hustvedt uses her own experiences, and the feelings these experiences gave her, as argumentation. She mentions an episode where a naked woman, only dressed in a bathrobe, tries to get on the bus even though she doesn't have a token. Hustvedt said that none of the other passengers even looked at her. Hustvedt's iranian friend, who was unaware of the "pretend it isn't happening law" stared at the woman. However Hustvedt had some experiences where people broke these social codes, and let her know that she was not the only one who had seen the episode. In the essay, Hustvedt uses pathos as her argument form. "With those few words, and a no cost to himself, he gave her what she needed - an ordinary feeling of human solidarity."(l.95-96)

She talks about feelings, and gives the reader the feeling of not being left alone, after an uncomfortable situation. In this case, being the center of unwanted attention from an older man. Simply acknowledging the incident as