My Child - Parenting Essay

My Child

Parenting is by far the most life altering experience I have experienced. Parenting comes with numerous life altering decisions that can ultimately decide what type of parent you may be. In addition, being a parent has its negative and positive effects. Along with parenting comes a thought of, will I be a great provider? Will I be a good role model? Will my child have a two-parent household? All these questions came across my mind when I discovered that I was going to become a mother for the first time in my life. Being a mother to my son has drastically changed my life.

Sometime in the very cold winter months of 2003, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I was 19 years of age and still residing with my mother when I realized that my life was about to change. I didn't know if my life was going to change for the positive or negative however, I was certain of myself that I wanted to be a wonderful mother. One morning I woke up not feeling myself but I decided to still go to college. I was in the bathroom when I started to throw up yellow bitter tasting stuff. At the time I thought to myself that I wasn't feeling well but I knew that I was still functional for my daily activities. As my mother who was in the next room overheard me vomiting she yelled "Shanika

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you are pregnant", I said to my mother with a head nodding attitude "No I'm not ma". I continued to throw up and she came into the bathroom with me and asked me what the vomit taste like. I said to her it tasted bitter and she reassured me that I was in fact, pregnant. I still refused to pay my mother any attention because in my prior years I was told I could not conceive children because of my weight, so being pregnant wasn't even a thought that came across my mind. After all the denial in the world I forced myself to go to the doctor's office to take a blood test to determine if I was pregnant. After taking a blood test to determine if I was pregnant; the results were positive, and I was already four months into my pregnancy. I was so scared at that point in my life all I could do was cry of great emotion. I was 19 years of age still living with my mother. I didn't know what would come out of the decision by deciding to have my child, but I made the decision to continue the pregnancy. My boyfriend Emmanuel who was 22 years old just arrived home from Job Corporation trying to reach his future endeavors, however he wasn't doing so well with that. He had a job at Cactus Willies which is an all you can eat restaurant, and he was making only minimum wage. I was working at Bank of America operations center downtown Baltimore processing teller and customer errors from the hours of 5pm-until completion which usually ranged from me getting off at 2,3 or even 4am at times. I loved my job and it was perfect for someone like me who was attending college in the day time and needed evening work, unfortunately being pregnant I know that I didn't want to continue to work those hours. When I realized that there was no turning back, I asked myself "will I be a great provider?" Honestly, now that I'm a little older and wiser the answer is no. I knew that I would have unconditionally love for my child, but I was barely taking care of myself at that time in my life. I was just a year out of high school and into my first semester of classes at the Baltimore County Community College. My only focus at that time in my life was college, and my then boyfriend Emmanuel. In the spring of 2004, Emmanuel and I decided that we had and will

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raise our child together. With that said, we both applied for a one bedroom with Three Garden Village apartments and townhomes in Dundalk, Maryland. We chose an1 bedroom apartment (all utilities included) to make our home. Shortly after moving into our apartment my son Emmanuel Niles Lee Jr was born on June.27, 2004. I had the love and support of my family, Emmanuel's father family and supporting friends to help me welcome my 1st child into the world. Being in a committed relationship with the father of my child, getting an apartment, and having a stable job was the answer to my question that yes I will be a great provider of my child.

Growing up I never had a positive role model to set an example for me in life. Being an only child was extremely only. I never experienced playing and fighting with siblings. I use to always find pleasure in hearing other friends and get mad at their siblings. My mother hardly spent time with me, and my father came around whenever his heart desired. I remember doing numerous activities on my own as a child. For example, I would prepare myself breakfast because my mother would never get up to prepare it for me. I remember eating cereal with black spoons from my mother using cocaine with it. My mother was focused on drugs and having traffic come in and out of my home. With these types of negative life experiences as a young child,