Parental Conflicts

2. Couples who are constantly involved in parental conflicts and are unable to get a divorce, may unknowingly affect their children’s psychological health. While there is no relationship free from disagreements, frequent arguing between parents, whether the conflict is hostile, involving verbal insults and physical violence, or unspoken where both parents use the “silent treatment” against one another, significantly harms the children involved. According to studies, disputes between parents may damage a child’s psychological growth with a substantial effect on his capability to manage his emotions. In a study lead by New York University’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development, the data proved that “prolonged exposure to aggression between parents was linked to children’s ability to regulate their own feelings of sadness, withdrawal, and fear, placing them at greater risk for symptoms of anxiety and depression later on.” (9) These effects leave the children with health issues, disturbed sleep, and even trouble thinking. Findings from the South Wales Family study suggest that children whose parents are involved in poorly resolved arguments are at also higher risk of deficiencies in their education. (6) Neuropsychologists have also claimed that when exposed to stress, the brain releases hormones that may lead to impaired thinking, and problems in school. In addition to this, some children act out on these emotions that may lead to anti-socialism, hostility, and even delinquency. (2) In the recent years, the latest findings have shown that the problem precedes divorce, and may in fact be the level of parental conflict in the family. According to Ruth Battelheim, a marriage and family therapist, researches conducted have proven that children from divorced families are no better or worse off than those whose parents remained together. It is how the parents handle the relationship that affects the children. (3)  If there were high levels of conflict, most teenagers showed a positive response to divorce. It brings relief to the children who no longer have to experience their parents criticizing one another. Divorce allows the children to adjust more easily if and when the separation reduces the conflict between the parents.

1. Cowan, P.A., and C.P. Cowan. "Strengthening Couples to Improve Children's Well-Being: What We Know Now." Poverty Research News 6, no. 3 (2002): 18-21.

1. Morrison, Donna Ruane, and Mary Jo Coiro. "Parental Conflict and Marital Disruption: Do Children Benefit When High-Conflict Marriages Are Dissolved?" Journal of Marriage and the Family 61, no. 3 (1999): 626-37.

1. Sedacca, Rosalind. “Parental Discord—Not Divorce—Most Damages Children!” Child Centered Divorce. n.p., 15 May. 2010. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.

1. Lansky, V. Divorce book for parents helping your child cope with divorce and its aftermath. Minnetonka, MN: Book Peddlers, 1996.

1. Furstenberg, F., Cherlin, A. Divided families: What Happens to Children When Parents Part. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1991. Print.

1. Cardiff University. "Parental Conflict Can Affect School Performance." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily., 9 May. 2005. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.

1. Gadoua, Susan. “Divorce Doesn’t Harm Children—Parents Fighting Harms Children.” Psychology Today. n.p., 15 Nov. 2009. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.

1. Sutherland, Anna. “How Parental Conflict Hurts Kids.” Family Studies. n.p., 09 Apr. 2014. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.

1. “Fighting Parents Hurt Children’s Ability to Recognize and Regulate Emotions.” New York University. New York University. 17 Sept. 2014. Web. 24 Nov. 2014.

1. Divorce demeans the value of marriage. A marriage marks the permanent and exclusive commitment of two people in a relationship. Even for non religious marriages, marriage involves a legally binding contract that joins a husband to his wife, and the wife to her husband. (3) According to Hilary Hurd Anyaso, the best marriages are those in which the couple exerts time and effort into making the marital relationship flourish. Similarly, Eli Finkel, a professor of psychology at the Kellogg School of Management in Northwestern University says that high quality marriages are achieved when the relationship considers the individuals’ self discovery and personal growth. (5) However, because of the availability of divorce, many couples tend to separate instead of working together on their commitment. Chet Espino, author of 88 Days in India: A Pilgrimage of Faith, Hope, and Love, says that “We all know that there are extremely difficult situations in a lot of marriages. It is up to the couple in such cases to find a solution to their individual situation and we sympathize with them but for the state to intervene is to open the floodgates to an easy way out, and destroy many other marriages that could’ve otherwise been saved.” (1) In America, the no-fault divorce law was passed in 1969. The law allows the couple to separate without having to prove their spouse was at fault for the breakdown of the marriage. Because of the passing of this particular law, divorce rates in the United States of America increased by 20-25%. Over 80% of the no-fault divorce cases have been unilateral, meaning one party can file for a case and the court can pass the order with or without the other party’s consent. (7) Furthermore, the one of the top reasons for divorce is “irreconcilable differences,” which basically means the couple can no longer get along. This only proves that couples simply divorce on the grounds of no longer wanting to work on the marriage. Because divorce can be easily acquired, the commitment and development aspect of a marriage is no longer significant to the couples. Divorce undermines the sanctity of marriage and the value of scared promises.